a lot

a lot

everything is beginning to look like you.
i spend passing moments carving
your features in the grains on my ceiling
and in trees in the dark.
they all have your eyes
so much so
that i can’t even recognize
rainy afternoons
or warm blankets in december
anymore because
i’m struggling to remember
when those things had a
distinct identity
and didn’t just feel like your chest
falling and rising,
synchronizing like a clock tick or a
time bomb
the nights are the worst
because they remind me how
differently the air shifts when you’re near
and how shallow my breaths seem
when you’re not
i seldom thought there’d be a time
when it’d be easier to sleep than when
i’m next to you
it turns out, clenching eyes
clutching sheets
dreaming up the smell of sweet sweat
and morning breath
works not nearly as well
but as well as i’ve got
right now.

Savannah Brown

The vid

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